This is as far as I got with my beautiful silk lace gloves before realizing they weren't going to work, no way, no how:
See what I mean? Not so much gloves as an elementary-school friendship bracelet gone horribly, misshapenly wrong.
Now imagine how satisfying this was:
Don't cry, pretty silk lace yarn. You're going to a better place, as soon as Mommy finds herself a steel crochet hook.